Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
