Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
