How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
