Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
