You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you win again, gameday.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
