dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize