I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
