I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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