I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
