from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
