I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
love makes seman taste better
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
