I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
