she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
