Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
