Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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