did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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