Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
