I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
