she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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