i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
someone owes me an orgasm
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
