period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A bitchslap is in order.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
