New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
