oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The power of my boobs compel you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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