You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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