Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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