Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
