She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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