wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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