A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
