I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
