oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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