i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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