also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
