If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
