at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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