I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
