i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
