how can u be prego again
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
