I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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