I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
