Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
