how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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