Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
