i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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