life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was so not down for the gang bang
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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