That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
