So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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