people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
