doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
