Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize