Who wears a wallet chain?!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
