girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
