Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
