why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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