Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
