I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
