Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
