I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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