I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So many bounce houses so little time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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