You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize