Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
