Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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