Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
