dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
