Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
