I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
