I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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