Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize