He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
