weddingsv make me drug and hornr
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
