I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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