Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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