Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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