he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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