Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize