I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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