Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Couch. On fire.
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