I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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