i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
