I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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