You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
