Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
