You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
