Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
