is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
