When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
