She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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