I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
